


Letting It Rest

by Rururinchan



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Aftermath of Drug Abuse, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, But no one is actually suicidal nor did any suicides happen, Challenge Theme: Drugs, Drugs used are Sleeping Pills, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Loosely based off a personal experience, Mentions of Suicide, References to Drugs, They love Keith a lot, They think Keith was suicidal with the pills but he wasn't, VLD Writer's Association Challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-31
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-11-07 10:58:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11057535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rururinchan/pseuds/Rururinchan
Summary: Some mistakes leave lasting consequences. Even after breaking free from the addiction to those sleeping pills, Keith's problems weren't leaving just yet, and they were hard to deal with alone. But, well, maybe he had some pretty good friends to back him up.





	Letting It Rest

**Author's Note:**

> I stayed up until 6am to finish it before the deadline. X_X

**_Getting Back on Track_ **

Keith tossed and turned uncomfortably, growing more and more frustrated as sleep simply refused to come to him. He was tired, so  _ damn tired _ , but nothing he did seemed to help. His head was pounding so hard and he felt nauseous enough to want to throw up, but was too fatigued to get up to do so. 

After what felt like several hours of failure. Keith finally gave up the fight and sat up in bed. He checked the digital clock on his bedside table, groaning in irritation when he found that it was past six in the morning. He doubted he would be able to sleep now, as he had to go to the hospital at nine. 

“Ugh...not again…” He muttered to himself, dragging himself out of bed. His mind was hazy, and frankly so was his vision, but somehow, through sheer muscle memory, he managed his way across his room to the kitchen without knocking into anything, despite not bothering to flip on the light switch.

He opened a cabinet above the stove, searching for a plate and mug, when he spotted the empty pill bottles lying inside in the corner of the cabinet. Instantly, a fierce sense of rage washed over him, and he snatched the bottles and violently threw them to the floor with enough force to crack the plastic slightly before the bottles bounced off into the darkness of his apartment. Keith blinked, the anger fading as quickly as it came, and shook his head. He was lashing out at nothing again. That wasn’t good, but there wasn’t much he could do about it. 

_ ‘Just continue as normal, everything’ll be fine.’  _ Keith tried to tell himself, despite honestly feeling cranky and anxious and dead all at once. But he needed to keep pushing himself. Otherwise things would never go back to normal.

A few minutes later, Keith was waiting for the bread to toast as he went to boil some tap water to drink. Yeah, just the water like that, since he had been banned from caffeine of any sort, but Keith deserved it for all his stupidity.  

As he sat down to eat, the fatigue hit him again, and he almost dropped his head straight down onto the table next to his plate of toast and jam, trying in vain to fight off the headache he knew was coming. 

_ ‘Dammit…’  _ He thought angrily. He just wanted to feel like he wasn't dying of exhaustion everyday, was that too much to ask? Apparently so. Keith ended up just waiting it out before he felt okay enough to properly try and eat. He still felt really uncomfortable and sluggish, but well, he wasn’t in a serious rush. 

About an hour later, he went for a quick shower. He turned the temperature up high, and was able to relax considerably as he stood under the water. He didn’t exactly need to be woken up, but it did help him feel a little more focused. He just hoped it would last long enough to survive the whole day. He was meeting up with everyone after his appointment, and he couldn’t afford to look weak in front of them again. He couldn’t keep worrying them. He had to get over things quickly. 

_ ‘Just...just keep it together. You’ll be fine. You have to deal with it, just for a little more.’  _

With this thought in mind, Keith stepped out of the shower and went to get himself ready to deal with another day. 

**_***_ **

Keith rubbed his wrist from where Allura took the blood sample. The bandage was secure and there wasn’t any pain or anything, it was just a habit. Allura typed down some notes on her computer, her expression calm and professional, betraying nothing. Once she was done, she adjusted her glasses and turned to him. 

“Well, it seems there aren’t any negative changes to your condition.” Allura said, “When the results for the saliva and blood tests have returned, I’ll let you know, although I’m sure I won’t have to worry about that any further.”

“Yeah...I don’t plan on going back to that…” Keith grumbled in return. He didn’t like remembering what happened, but during his appointments with Allura, it was inevitable. She blinked at him, raising an eyebrow at his reply, before she sighed and removed her glasses, as if to change her persona towards him.

“Keith,” She said carefully, “as your doctor, I feel like you’re recovering extremely well physically, and can easily be considered a low-risk case. You’ve gone through a safe detoxification process, and hardly show any remaining symptoms of the overdose, aside from further sleep issues and such. However...as your friend, I do wish you would be more open about how you’re recovering mentally. I don’t want you to keep bottling your emotions up.”

“I’m not bottling my emotions…” Keith tried protesting, but it was a weak protest, even to himself. Allura was clearly unimpressed, giving him the most deadpan look ever. She sighed again.

“Keith, you’ve refused a therapist, and quite frankly haven’t been talking to anyone about what even happened. Shiro and the others are getting quite worried you know.” 

“I...I know...But I don’t want to talk about it. I was just...I was so stupid Allura. I just can’t believe I let myself get hooked on sleeping pills of all things without even realizing it.”

“The danger posed by sleeping pills are no less dangerous than most others Keith. You were stressed and didn’t know how to deal with it, it’s not your fault at all. But I still do recommend you talk to a specialized therapist. I’m not trained in the field so I can’t help you with that.”

“I know okay? It’s just...I can’t even tell the others aside from you, and that’s only because I had to. How am I supposed to talk it out with some stranger enough for them to help me out...?”

Keith’s mind momentarily drifted into his memories of what happened. He couldn’t clearly remember how it started, but he remembered he was starting to have trouble with sleep after he was expelled from college, so he went to a clinic to get some sleeping pills. It later turned into a much bigger problem than he could’ve imagined, landing him in a four-day coma after finally taking one too many pills.

“Keith?” Allura’s voice yanked Keith back into reality, and he blinked in mild confusion before he realized he had gotten lost in his thoughts again. 

“Oh, sorry, what were you saying?” He quickly asked, hoping that he hadn’t been out of it for too long. Judging from the concerned look Allura had on her face, however, it was more than likely that he’d been out longer than he realized. 

“...I was asking you if you were meeting the others later today?” Allura told him after a pause, her concerned expression never fading from her face, “Lance and Pidge invited me, but I’m quite occupied today. Are you going though?”

“Um...yeah I am.” Keith replied. 

“Well, why not take a chance to talk to them about this? I’m sure they’ll want to know.” Allura suggested. 

Immediately, an uncomfortably cold chill ran down Keith’s spine, but he just barely managed to stop himself from visibly reacting. 

“I...I don’t think…” He started saying, but Allura cut him off. 

“Keith, it’s been a month.” She reminded him, “The others still don’t know the full story, and seem to think you’re trying to harm yourself. ”

“I want to...I really do, Allura. But I can’t. Everyone’s been treating me so differently now, like I’m some fragile glass ornament...it just kinda feels like they’re waiting for me to break into a million pieces or something, especially Shiro.”

“I...I suppose I do understand that to a degree. But you also realize that they’re doing this because they care about you right? Please, have more faith in them and just let them know?

Keith stared at her, silently almost wishing that he hadn’t ended up with a personal friend as his doctor, especially since that personal friend was Allura. Sometimes he still felt awkward around her, given their troubling shared family history, but that was a story for another time.

Allura said nothing, only staring back at him as she seemed to wait for his reply. In the end, Keith wasn’t able to keep up with their staring contest and dropped eye contact. 

“I’ll...I’ll think about it. Maybe you’re right...I should talk to them…” He told her, but honestly? He was mostly sure there was no way on Earth he was keeping that promise. He felt a little bad about (possibly) lying, but he really just didn’t want his friends to know how dumb he really was. He hated that he accidentally made them think he was potentially suicidal, but no matter what he did, it always seemed like he couldn’t bring himself to tell them the accurate truth. 

Keith left the hospital with a lot to think about, nothing unusual anymore. He glanced around, surprised to see almost no one around, save for a few grumpy scarred men, a blonde girl with a skinny dude sporting a prosthetic leg, and a withered old lady in a shawl reading a book as she slowly walked.

He quickly checked the time, it was almost eleven. He was meeting his friends around one for lunch, so he had some time to kill. He decided to go for a walk, just to relieve some tension and clear his head. 

Keith walked without any particular destination in mind around town, taking in the familiar landmarks. He passed the Balmera Mineral Shop, where one of his classmates from college worked. He glanced into the aquarium shop that was recently opened by a couple of foreign women as he strolled by. He stopped by the Marmora Dojo for nostalgia’s sake and watched the trainees practicing  _ kata _ for a minute. All this made Keith felt more comfortable, more rooted, more stable. 

Eventually, Keith found himself at the park, where he decided to take a seat on the bench near the lake. He was a little tired from walking, which was something he’d expected, given his condition. His body still hadn’t fully recovered from his pill problem, and it seemed like it might last a little longer. He just hoped it wouldn’t stick around too long. 

Upon sitting down though, Keith soon began to feel a slight sense of nausea for literally no reason. It wasn’t severe, but it did make him feel uncomfortable. He leaned back on the bench, breathing slowly. He felt a slight dizziness, and Keith closed his eyes as he decided to wait it out. 

The next thing Keith knew, his phone was buzzing like crazy from his pocket. 

Keith gasped as he awoke, feeling extremely disoriented. He quickly shook his head, shaking off the fuzziness as he almost frantically reached for his phone without even realizing it. He blinked a bit to clear his vision, before realizing he was receiving a call from Hunk’s phone. He quickly answered. 

“H-Hello?” He stammered, and was immediately greeted with Lance's obscene yelling instead. 

“Hey you stupid Mullet where the fuck are you?! We've been waiting for you for over an hour!!” 

Keith immediately froze. “What did you say?” 

“I said we've been waiting for more than an hour! You weren't even answering your phone! Dude where are you?!” 

“I'm, I'm on my way! I'll be there soon!” 

Keith hung up at once, not waiting for an answer, and sprang out of the bench. That, however, proved to be an action he instantly regretted when he immediately stumbled back as a new and more intense wave of nausea hit him. He felt the blood rush at his head, causing an instant headache as well. Still, the shock of realizing that he was over an hour late for the meeting due to him somehow dozing off was far worse. He had to come up with some sort of excuse…

“What can I even tell them…” Keith muttered to himself, leaning against the corner of the bench with his arm in an attempt to steady himself. Hey stayed like that for a few minutes, but the headache and nausea didn’t seem to fade. Frustration began to gnaw at him, but he pushed it down, not wanting to snap randomly like that. 

His phone starting buzzing again. He let it ring for a while, hoping it would just stop for a moment, but it didn’t, and it only made his frustration morph into anger. He snatched the phone out of his pocket and answered it.

_ “What?!” _

“...Keith?”  _ Oh god it was Shiro.  _

“I’m on my way okay? I’ll get there.” Keith tried to force his tone to soften. He expected Lance’s yelling again, not Shiro’s concerned voice. (Of course, Lance probably didn’t deserve the hostility either, but it was easier to yell at someone who was yelling back anyway.)

“Keith if you’re not feeling well we can come meet you instead?” Shiro offered, “We don’t want to force you into anything.”

“Shiro I’m fine. I’m coming to meet you guys.” 

“Are you sure we…”

“ _ I said I’m coming will you stop acting like I’m some injured kitten who can’t do anything?! I’m not some fragile little kid!! _ ” 

Shiro went silent when Keith snapped at him. Instantly, Keith wanted to take it back. But he felt his throat go dry and the words wouldn’t come out. Instead, he quickly hung up and collapsed back onto the bench. He should apologize, but he wasn’t sure he would be able to do that right. His phone began buzzing again, but he just shut it off the phone this time. He didn’t want to talk. 

Keith sat there for a few minutes, before he finally got up and decided to go somewhere more remote. There were more people in the park now, and the others would probably soon find him. He knew they would try, and he didn’t want to be found while he was feeling like a moron. 

Keith headed to the south edge of town, wandering a little out into the desert area nearby. He came to a clearing atop a hill, and he sat down, leaning against the rocks. His mind felt blank, but also overloaded. He stared up at the sky as he let the thoughts wander. Whatever he could remember, he did. The expulsion, the worry and stress, and the effects of it all. Keith remembered feeling alone, outcasted for knocking out an instructor's tooth, and being stuck in a difficult situation all on his own. 

Every one of his friends had offered help, especially Shiro, but he hadn't wanted it. It had been his problem, his mistake. He needed to get through it alone without being a burden. He would be fine, he'd been alone for most of his life. 

He hadn't been fine. Everything was harder than he thought, and his usual part-time job at the supermarket wasn't enough to keep him financially stable. He tried finding another job, but it'd been harder than he thought, and by the time he had found one, the stress over the whole thing had gotten him and he'd started to lose sleep. 

The Holt siblings had been the first to notice, mostly Pidge, as she had had similar issues in the past. The two of them had confronted Keith about it, convincing him to get some help for it. Of course, Keith had been stubborn and refused, so they dragged the others into it. In the end Allura had personally pulled him to her office to give him a free check-up and prescribed him sleeping pills. He hadn’t been given a choice at protest. 

The sleeping pills helped for the first few days. Keith had found that he felt more well-rested than he had in a while, even more so than before his ordeal happened. It felt good, and he felt much better. 

Unfortunately, Keith hadn’t realized that over time his body would naturally get used to the medication, and the effectiveness of the pills dropped. He hadn’t wanted to go back to being tired and stressed all the time. He tried harder to go to bed earlier and get decent sleep, but it got harder and harder all over again. He then gave in to the irrational side of his mind and…and...

Keith stopped himself, not wanting to go into the details of getting addicted to those pills. He felt upset, upset that he let himself fall into that trap and scared every one he cared about. They were all scared and worried for him, and he knew that. But he couldn’t stop himself from feeling anger and frustration when they started to coddle him. It made him feel like they thought he couldn’t take care of himself anymore, even though that was what he’d been doing his  _ whole fucking life.  _

“URGH!” Keith grunted in a burst of rage, violently kicking a rock loose and sending it spiralling down the hill. He tucked his head into his arms. 

Why can’t they just let him be normal again? Why can’t they just act as if nothing happened? Why’d they have to jump to the conclusion that he was suicidal just because he hit some bumps in the road...? 

...no, that wasn’t fair. Had Keith been in any of their positions, he knew exactly how he’d act. He would be terrified. He wouldn’t want to lose anyone he cared about, and end up being a clingy and irritating idiot. 

...well, he had the ‘idiot’ part down even now. Keith sighed as he lay down, just wanting to forget things for a while. 

Several minutes passed, but Keith hardly moved. He wondered how long he’d sit there, maybe until after sunset? Watching the stars would be nice later...

“I thought I’d find you here.” 

Keith let out a gasp, sitting up and turning to see Shiro standing behind him with a sad look on his face. Keith felt his eyes widen a bit, but then the guilt overcame his surprise, and he looked away. 

“Keith, please, can you talk to me?” Shiro asked, sitting down beside him. Keith could feel Shiro staring at him, but he wasn’t able to return the gaze. 

“...Look, Shiro, I’m sorry, I…” Keith started to stammer out, “I don’t know what came over me…”

“No, it’s okay.” Shiro interrupted, “I should’ve been more aware…”

They sat in silence for a while, awkwardly, before Keith suddenly found himself talking again. 

“I’m not trying to hurt myself Shiro. I never was. Everything...it was all a mistake.”

Keith felt Shiro shift next to him, but he said nothing. Keith paused, then decided to risk glancing over. He found Shiro staring at him, looking strangely surprised. He stayed like that, making Keith feel awkward, for a full minute, before Shiro finally dropped his gaze. 

“Then...then why the pills Keith?” Shiro asked, his voice quiet, “Why did you take so many pills? Why did you end up...like that?”

“I...I…” Keith stopped before he continued further. He wanted to tell Shiro the truth on the spot, but Shiro wasn’t the only one he needed to talk to, “Shiro, before I tell you, can you call the others? I...I think I’d rather tell you guys the full story all at once.”

“You’re sure?” Shiro asked, and Keith nodded. Shiro gave him one last look, before he nodded back and turned to call the others. Keith didn’t listen to what he said, feeling a little nauseous again as he thought about finally telling everyone. But it was for the best.

“They’re on their way Keith.” Shiro told him after a few minutes. Keith didn’t really say anything, only nodding. 

“Hey Keith? About what you said earlier...did you, did you feel like we were being overprotective or something?” Shiro asked, and Keith tensed. 

“...yeah.” He admitted, “I know you guys meant well, but I…”

“I’m sorry.” Shiro interrupted again, his tone firm enough to surprise Keith, “That was the one thing I should’ve understood.” 

“Shiro?”

“...remember when I lost my arm Keith? I was devastated. And everyone around me acted so sympathetic and started acting so different around me. I...I hated it too.”

“...you never said anything about that.”

“Yeah, because I know everyone just wanted to be supportive. I just wanted to make it work out, but, I didn’t want others making me feel like I was weaker, or less capable than I was before. I didn’t say anything, but that didn’t mean I liked it. I should’ve expected you to feel the same way.”

Keith stared at Shiro. He remembered Shiro’s accident. He remembered why he knew he’d be a clingy moron in such a situation. Because he had been one. He just hadn’t properly realized it. 

“...but you didn’t lash out at the people who cared.” Keith found himself saying, “You kept your cool, and didn’t snap at anyone even though you hated it. But I…”

Keith trailed off, and Shiro let out a deep sigh. 

“Keith, we’re two different people, and our situations are different.” He said, “Our reactions to things are going to be different. You lashed out because it’s your way of coping, and I don’t blame you. Besides, nothing serious happened.”

“But…”

“Shiro’s right you know.” Pidge’s flat voice cut in out of nowhere. Keith and Shiro both jumped, and noticed Pidge hovering over them with Matt, Lance and Hunk standing a little behind them. 

“When did - ”

“Well, we know this place as well as you do. Wasn’t hard to get here fast.” Lance commented with a shrug as he and the others took a seat, “And hey, sorry about overreacting just now. Didn’t mean to piss you off.”

“Since when?” Pidge deadpanned. Lance gave her a mild glare, but said nothing. 

“Well Katie isn’t wrong Lance.” Matt snorted. 

“Okay, guys calm down.” Hunk said, before turning to Keith, “You wanted to talk to us right? We’re listening.” 

Just like that, Keith was the centre of attention. He glanced around at his friends, and took a deep breath. Time to tell them. 

“Well...I...remember the sleeping problems?” Keith started, and continued when his friends all gave him solid nods, “Yeah, those problems got worse. I...I was so stressed, and I just felt tired all the time. I hated it. So I started taking more pills to try and sleep. It seemed to work for a while, but then, it didn’t. I started feeling more and more tired. I wanted to be able to relax but I couldn’t. I started taking the pills even more, and before I realized it, I became reliant on them to sleep.” 

Keith stopped there, gauging their reactions. All of them seemed extremely surprised. 

“You mean you got addicted to the pills, because of the sleep issues?” Matt asked for confirmation. Keith nodded. 

“So...did you ever want to...you know…?” Hunk asked nervously. Keith looked over at the big guy, who definitely looked concerned. 

“No.” He answered, “I promise, I never wanted to do anything drastic. I honestly hadn’t seen the problem, and I ended up taking too many pills one day before work. I guess the strain was too much that day.”

There was a short silence.

“...you scared us half to death you know.” Pidge said quietly, making everyone turn to her, “We all freaked out when we heard you collapsed. And when you didn’t wake up for a few days, we all panicked.”

“...we thought we were going to lose you.” Lance added, “Even I don’t want that dude. Who else is gonna be my competition?”

“We jumped to conclusions so many times…” Matt continued, “But...why didn’t you tell us?”

“I...I didn’t want you guys to think I was an idiot. I mean…” Keith started explaining, but was cut short.

“Oh you are an idiot all right, but not for what happened!” Pidge exclaimed, “You’re an idiot for thinking we’d think that!”

“Pidge…” Shiro started to say, but even he couldn’t get a word in. 

“Keith you’re more than a friend you know?” Pidge continued in a much gentler tone, “We’re all practically family, and we want to look out for you okay? Right guys?”

“She’s right.” Hunk said, “Really, Keith. We want to help, but we can’t if you don’t give us a chance you know? If we’re doing anything wrong, you can tell us too.”

“Yeah man, if you think we’re coddling you or something just let us know.” Lance piped, “We don’t wanna make things harder if we can help it.”

“If you have any other issues, you can let us know. At the very least we can just be there for you.” Matt finished.

Keith stared at all of them. He hadn’t been sure what he’d been expecting out of everyone, but this...this was…

Shiro’s prosthetic hand landed on his shoulder, and Keith glanced at it, remembering what Shiro said as well. 

“We know you’re still recovering Keith.” Shiro told him, “But we won’t get you deal with this alone all right?”

Keith was...overwhelmed. Traces of tears began to form in his eyes. Pidge was right, he was an idiot, but not in the way he thought. And Allura was right too. He could trust them. He could get through the remaining problems with them. They were here. 

“Okay.” Keith choked out, smiling for what felt like the first time in a long time, “Thanks guys.”


End file.
